Out of frame.

Second in line on the mental health issues, to me, is being left out. When I say being left out, it needn’t necessarily be physically done to you. It may just be a feeling of being out of the picture or as I say it, out of frame.

What do you call a person who has the strongest connectivity circle of people to back them up anytime? : The most richest person in the world. (In my opinion).

We’ve all seen the “left out” characters played on-screen by actors. But have you realized that most movies are based on temporal things of this world? Thereby I imply that these characters aren’t actually fictional, many of them do exist. As per the format of my prequel on mental health called Feeling empty, I’d like to list some symptoms that you may be depressed due to being left out, to the best of my knowledge. You know you’re feeling so if :

  • You’re pretty social, and even as you’re hanging out with your circle, you feel so alone.
  • You constantly find yourself wondering about your purpose in life, when some mishap happens and you’re not given enough care and attention.
  • You find yourself leading a controversial life, wherein you attend many social gatherings, yet complain about being isolated from society.
  • Friends subtly start showing signs of being nonchalant, upon your absence.
  • You start finding comfort in more of me-time.
  • And finally, you cave in and presume that everything good which may occur in life, henceforth, will fade away. In other words, you grow into it and reduce your expectations to a lower benchmark.

I’ve covered all of what I think may be signs of feeling left out. I do have a few tried solutions for this. And hey, If I’ve made through that well enough to write this blog, then I’d claim them effective.

RECOVERY :

  • Go on walks with soothing music of your choice and let your sad feelings into the open air.
  • Cry it out.
  • If that doesn’t work, find your most trust-worthy person and spill your feelings to them.
  • For some people, I hear working out intensely gives relief. I cycle for instance.
  • Try dressing up even if there isn’t an occasion. It boosts self-confidence.
  • Please avoid stalking “stereotypically happy” people on social media.
  • Get a pet (if you need long-time happiness).
  • Understand that all things may come and go, but your “self” is with you forever.

Tell me if that helped at all.

– Shreyy, who thinks being left out is the easiest way to get rid of worldly drama!

P.S.: You have to be outside the frame, to see the big picture! Cheer up!! 🙂

Advertisements

Feeling empty!

Hey guys. I wanted to address the most common set of depressed feelings that adolescents go through. Why? Because I have them now and then and I’ve asked myself, if I’m alone. Turns out that I’m not.

I’m referring to the feeling of emptiness. Like you’ve lost something so meaningful forever, when in reality you haven’t. Being bereaved is something else – it’s the hard-hitting sorrow of the loss of a loved one. But today’s topic is centered on the false feeling of loss. It bothers you a lot because you’re convinced of losing something, but can’t address it publicly for the fear of being called a lunatic.

Even though most people consider this as a form of drawing attention, it is, in fact, quite the opposite. Feeling empty makes you more anti-social. It makes you retrieve from all worldly pleasures, simply due to the fear of losing something more. Signs that you’re undergoing this phase are as follows :

  • You find yourself unhappy when you see someone receiving sumptuous amounts of happiness.
  • Usual tiny disappointments, make you want to kill yourself.
  • You seek something so constantly, without even knowing what you’re seeking for, and this drives you mad!
  • If you just got out of a bad relationship, you find that you miss having someone by your side. Not necessarily an exact replacement, but just anyone at all!
  • Mainly, you’re stuck reading posts or blogs such as the one you’re reading right now, to feel pleasant from mutual feelings with random strangers.
  • You try to isolate yourself more, thus making your situation worse.
  • Rainy seasons and slow songs become your two best friends. (I personally feel coffee helps too).

I think I covered most of the vital signs that your depression may include feeling empty. Now, I’m not going to tell you how to recover. That was not the objective of this blog. The reason behind that is, each individual has to figure the recovery part, by themselves. It’s more like the teaching a hungry man to fish, instead of feeding him temporarily. Because, once you’ve found your way out once, you’ll know how to get out the next time you’re stuck in such a situation.

Empty vessels make the most noise. But people feeling empty, become so damn quiet that you don’t feel their presence around anymore. Mental health is no joke. Elders from previous generations consider this too little an issue to be concerned upon. Its, in real-life, as good as any life-taking chronic disease. Many youngsters give up and depart this world, because of other’s ignorance of mental depression. It’s high time we gave importance to mental health. Help your loved ones going through such a tough time, because its impossible from the inside to speak up and ask for help.

– Shreyy, a conscious advocate for improving mental health!

 

Road Accidents

I wanted to blog about this, whilst the trauma of it is still fresh. It was about 10:30 AM, between the medium-low traffic movement on Kotturpuram road (or some may know it as the road on which Anna Centenary library resides).

I had just banked left onto this road, in which I maintained my speed between 45-50 and upon which I would have my very first accident while driving (not the first as a passenger). Here’s the scenario :

  • An inexperienced lady driver had been going terribly slow and hadn’t kept up with the speed limit (yes speed limits are based on both high and low) for that area.
  • Her car, due to inability to control, had stopped abruptly on the fast lane (right most lane in India).
  • As a result, the car behind her crashed straight into hers. Let’s call this car A.
  • Car B bangs right behind car A and now car A has been damaged on both front and back.
  • Car C (mine) realizing something is wrong at about 6 metres, breaks and crashes into car B on the rear.

Although I was lucky enough to have had no more vehicles behind me, the engine’s hood got smashed inwards and upwards. And though I may have come out this almost unscathed, I’m now left with a badly hurting spine and neck.

Accidents are pretty traumatic, but I never realized how traumatic they could be to the driver who’s been it , until now. The drive after this, back home, was filled with a constant adrenaline rush, back ache and spine, experiencing shocks now and then. All I could think of was, how lucky all the people involved in this accident were, since none of us were on two-wheelers or pedestrians on the road.

This trauma I’m in right now is just my mind stuck with that one accident that happened this morning. It’s like a broken record that’s gotten stuck playing one scene over and over again. I was lucky in many ways today, and look at this as just an experience.

Of course the lady wouldn’t admit her fault, but it goes on to show, that if you’re just learning to drive and on a road with usually fast-moving traffic, try keeping yourself towards the left lane, since it is understood that the right most is the fast lane and in case you didn’t know, it does get difficult to break, within just a few metres of length.

Thanks for reading this. Please pass thing along! Falsified Licenses and those given without any driving tests in India, are very common. But the consequences are ultimately met by the common man, who had nothing to do with someone else’s mistake in the first place. I know this changes nothing, but if somehow bribery can be stopped on levels of driving tests, so many lives may be consequently saved!

– Shreyy, with one hell of a memory to end 2018 with!

 

Vibing out real Indian feminist feelings.

This I couldn’t have chosen a better time for, because I’m technically at the end of my teen years. Although I wouldn’t worry about it, being the Indian girl child I am.

India has just recently been named the most unsafe place for Women. Yeah, that’s not at all surprising for the resident Indians here. We’ve known that all the time. This has been part of the reason why women in India have time restrictions. Or was it the other way around? You never know. It is the chicken and egg story again. The difference is, we have an answer now for the latter. It’s the egg, that came first. But in the former situation, even though we haven’t arrived at an answer, I feel that all girls and women in India already know it genetically.

The answer is that the male chauvinistic society India was, billion years ago (ahem!), created an impression on women that led them to believing that they truly aren’t capable of doing things men do. Luckily, some girls like me, didn’t let that affect us right from childhood, and now are fully comfortable with being independent. Girls are always taught to look perfect. They need to look pretty, remain size zero, score the top marks (but then end up at home bearing babies) and so on. The very logic that girls are pressured to score top marks, only to not be able to follow their dreams, is so screwed up.

Guys on the other hand, are let to experiment with life. They get scarred from jumping off cliffs and that doesn’t affect them. But when a girl gets tanned by the sun, Oh Good God! Who will marry you now? Our lives have ended!!!!

It, is annoying that the very judicial system of India that implies that women above a certain legal age are allowed to marry whoever they want to, or not marry at all, if they desire, also cares less on issues like Child abuse and rape. But Indians hold doctorate degrees on Rule breaking. They do it everyday. Driving in a single file? “Are you dumb? Going to office in time is all that matters to me. I don’t care if some other driver gets knocked down because of my selfishness”.  So why let the girl child make her decisions when we could make them for her? Never let her be independent, because then she’ll be happy and satisfied and confident. We don’t want that do we? We just want to pass the baton to the next guy.

I apologize for this blog being fragments and not organized, but this is just how a feminist against injustice to girls (and not justice to boys) would react when asked to speak on this topic. Now, I know that is just a third of a fourth of a drop in a huge ocean of feminist topics and equality, since its been addressed before. But, just before you comment ill on a girl for getting special treatment, remember that we didn’t crave and ask for it. It was given by your gender. Deal with it.

So, that’s about all the feelings I wanted to dump in here for tonight.

– Shreyy, a hardcore feminist, if you may!

A Whimsical ’50’

So, the title actually reads as A Whimsical Fifty. I’m truly lucky to have readers as y’all for supporting me in your own little ways! I gave this blog, said title, because I want to touch up on a couple of topics here, rather than just one.

Firstly, let’s talk about public places. It’s something we encounter almost everyday, unless you’re socially awkward and love the confinements of your four walls. It is certainly a daily thing to me, being in at least more than one public place per day. Therefore, I notice the unconscious choice of so many white colored people, when they’re out in the open. I see this happening in public transports, in public gatherings and why not, (let’s say) work places. It is, in fact, prevalent, even in this day and era, that white colored people make unconscious choices to avoid dark-colored people. Of course they do not make open statements, for the fear of social media but they do make silent choices, some we many never notice, unless we look closely, in a racial manner. Let me give you examples to support my argument.

  • If you look closely, in buses, people may sit next to dark people ‘due to lack of space to sit otherwise’. But notice the conscious distance they keep, in terms of even slight touching.
  • Another example, is from my personal experience. We were part of the rock band of our school and were looking to recruit new people this year. The teacher in-charge of us, disperses us from practice, to propose an open call across school, but calls upon one girl, in private, to tell her how to select members. I believe, that a band (any band) is strong only when the voices and performances are strong. But our teacher didn’t think so. She thought it would be wise to pick girls, who are fair and beautiful instead of picking those with beautiful voices.
  • Heck here’s another personal experience of mine. I happen to live in Chennai, an extremely humid place. So I’m fair by birth, but tend to tan a lot during summer and retain back my color, during winter. That paves way for me to appear in two colors per year (extremely). Believe me, that’s an issue when it comes to the way of treatment I receive. It may not be so obvious, but the sarcastic hints and traces left behind, can be understood only when you listen carefully.

By this time, you must have realised that my first topic was indeed racism and not public places. Racism has been a very sensitive topic to touch on, for a long time, because no matter who addresses it, people still have their own aversions. Getting cornered out of social circles that included fair north Indians or white brahmin Tamils, were a major part of my childhood and I’m so glad that I’m in a position to write about it now.

Secondly, on my Whimsical 50, I’d like to incorporate an imaginative segment, suggested by a big guy. 😉

Let us say, we all have had a thought, at some point in life, about how we were definitely born in the wrong time (ahead or behind) . Most of us wish to be born ahead of time, given the advancements that we’d receive at a younger age. But for those who’ve seen these advancements, they end up wishing they were brought earlier to this world due to the chaotic yet simple life that was led back in the days. It would’ve been a time, when you had to remember with your own head, the timings for meetings and birthdays. It was a time when you had to return home to make calls and that they were limited. A time when emoticons didn’t exist, but human emotions mattered a lot. It was a time, when free time was spent with family and friends in a real life interface. You couldn’t see your loved ones faces, if you moved out of the city back then. It was a time when people would smile at random strangers and that would make enjoying life much more better.

Although back in the day, racism, sexism and many more ism were at their peaks, at least cyber threats were lesser. It’s a blessing to be in the time we do exist now, because of how simple our works have now become, but the chaos factor ultimately never dialed down. It , in fact, only toned up.

Tell me if you could relate.

– Shreyy, who’s skimmed through two millenniums, without ease.

P.S. – Here’s to a 50th, yet un-edited blog. Cheers!

The Modern religious Civil War ’49’

I’ve always believed that taking things way too seriously, have their consequences. For instance, if a friend says let’s meet up often and you both know that you aren’t that close, don’t keep pushing them to meet up. It sometimes is just a rhetorical statement that often means nothing but diplomacy.

On that note, taking the issue of religion, to fight, is equally unnecessary. If fighting over with your dad over whose favourite actor is useless, since neither of the celebrities know of either of your existences, then fighting with your atheist child over religion is totally the same – useless. At least in the case of the celebrity, what you’re fighting for, exists.

And since there is no room for diplomacy on this blog, let’s get this straight. If you’re wanting to believe in something that doesn’t exist and give it credit for all your successes, might as well do it – why? Because you have the right to do it. This also works reversely for those who do not believe in such a heavenly being. I find this constant unacceptance from the parents’ side on the topic of their child’s belief in atheism. This I know because I did feel the resistance initially in my home as well. Parents like to term this a “trending behaviour”. It is oblivious to their eyes as to why it started trending in the first place. You may wonder what good comes from not believing in a religion?

We just wonder what good comes from believing in something that was created to instil hope in people when there was no theory to prove how living things came to being. And then that thing that existed as one, got separated into many religions due to difference of opinions and ideas. Wasn’t all of this chaos created by us? The very fact that religion is a category, is by itself, its own weakness. If there really was God, shouldn’t there only be one or one set of gods who created all of mankind and the universe as we know it.

Anyhow , like I mentioned before, I’m not here to criticize the beliefs of certain people just to support mine/ours. What I’m trying to put forth is the nullification of the beliefs of majority of Earth’s population, but It is rather simple. Give yourself credit for your failures as much as you do for your successes. It all seems nice to blame someone who doesn’t even exist, about something that was definitely under your control. But then, all things nice are sometimes not right.

– Shreyy, who is, let’s say, a supporter of the freedom of praticing whatever the hell people want to.

Untaught scenarios of college life ’48’

As we gear up to go back to college, I thought I’d give my readers a friendly reminder about things that matter when you get there.

THINGS THAT YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT COLLEGE :

  • Nobody cares.

This may seem pretty bizarre but I take that you’ll understand well when I say that your efforts to impress people or to always try to look perfect are almost always going to end in vain.

  • No one is too selfish.

By this, I mean that if everyone is making the same mistakes, then it turns out to be an illusionary righteous act. So when you’re in college, I encourage you to be a bit selfish about your needs and deeds, because I assure you that everyone will turn out to be the same and therefore being selfless may take you nowhere.

  • Self-learning pays off.

This is in accordance with point number one, wherein I mean that no one will make sure you’ve had a wholesome learning. This is true because everyone feels that the lesser the competition, the better. This also applies to your teaching staffs who (unlike those at school) will give you only what’s ultimately necessary from the syllabi. In that case, learning by yourself will give you enough time to process the topic and also no one can limit you here.

  • Doubting is never a crime.

When at college, maintaining your  character is a must, but to all those vulnerable people out there, try changing a bit. By this I mean, no one should be that easily trusted. No matter how many chocolate-coated words they use, I suggest that you keep your distance before deciding whether or not to get attached.

THINGS TO PUT ON YOUR PRIORITY LIST :

  • Career comes first.

Now make sure you realise that all the points in this heading will be in accordance to those in the previous heading. And since this sounds selfish, within the premises of my blog, it is deemed correct. When I say career comes first, I mean it, literally. Nothing else shall come above it until it is life demanding. All kinds of stuffs right from bunking classes because your buddy wants to, talking ill of others because your gang hates them, to all other unnecessary peer pressures of that sort, need to not only be avoided but it is best to remove them from your ‘said priority list’ all together.

  • Leisure breaks are secondary yet part of the list.

This might sound contradictory but such breaks do help to go a long way in life. Take measured breaks in life to loosen up a bit, short enough to be able to return to your work life easily. Try engaging into mind activities that are fun yet useful. Also breaks in between study hours – coffee breaks or just a small walk should help you conceive information into your brain slowly yet steadily.

  • Spend time with family.

Notice that I didn’t mention ‘quality time’. This is because you are only at the starting stages of being both busy and having spare time. So in my argument, I would ask you to spend time with them as much as possible , because you never know when you’ll run out of time.

  • Think ahead.

Your past self had done all the things that has brought you to the place you are at now. It is only fair and safe to plan what your future self should be doing with her/his life. Why is it good to start planning early? It gives you opportunities to think through all the things that could possibly go wrong and when it does, you’ll still end up having a backup plan. Better safe than sorry, remember?

  • Stay humble.

Success or at least a tint of it, comes to those who maintain humility. Why? The reason is because those who stay humble won’t brag about their achievements or more so, won’t draw too much attention to themselves, thus reducing their chances of failing. It is simple to follow, logical and also proven effective.

THINGS TO AVOID :

  • Avoid back-talking, back-stabbing and all things of that kind.
  • Avoid getting attached too soon to people or elements in college.
  • Avoid using cell phones during your spare time because real life conversations are much productive than that.
  • Avoid mocking teachers publicly. Behead them if you have to, inside your head, but do not utter a word outside.
  • Avoid finding love in college because it’ll be like skipping an important phase in life – building your career and going to the next one. And there are no short cuts in life.
  • Avoid starting petty fights for two reasons – 1. They are petty like I said and 2. They may leave a black ink on your name.
  • Basically avoid doing anything that will destroy or delay success in your career life because this is the time of your life where you either make or break your life forever.

That is all I wanted to share to all the college students – both freshers and ripened fruits. I haven’t derived them from another website or someone else’s article. These were all either directly or indirectly gained experiences that I thought you guys would find useful.

– Shreyy, now entering her 3rd year of college.

Social insecurities. ’47’

For those who’re checking my blog out for the first time, I try centering my blog around the issues that go unaddressed due to false-minimalistic appearance. I do this for each age group only as I pass that group myself. So that being said, from blog number 1 till here has been about the adolescent age and I’ll soon be moving into adulthood – both my blog and I. Happy reading! Ping me if you need to.

The title sounds familiar huh? These are the things that decide the mask we all wear for the outer world to see. The other day, while engaging in a conversation with a friend of mine who is taller than me, I realised that since I don’t get surrounded by a lot of tall people, I’ve never actually considered this an irrational first fear.

You know that feeling of trying to look perfect when you’re seeing someone for the first time – may it be anything from adjusting your dress to focusing your glasses because you really are trying ‘to look’ perfectly at this stranger. That feeling is something which drives us far away from our comfort zone. I’m not saying it is wrong but since the topic revolves around the very idea, I’ll make it look unethical for a few rounds.

Here’s a segment of appreciation to the Indian mind-set Indians for accepting girls with no cooking sense and boys with no directional sense. Some guys feel socially insecure when addressed about their driving or directional sense. It’s not a hard rule that they need to know how to drive or remember each route. It is also not right to expect a guy to be 6 ft tall, well-built, have his own vehicle and have a good memory of routes (sorry for being oddly specific). In fact considering such traits to be perfect, is by itself, backward in thinking. The same pattern applies to girls. Admit it, there are girls who drive better, not so good in the kitchen and take the upper-hand in a relationship.

What’s backwards is not the ways that people choose to follow, but how others judge them based on it.

Social insecurities are the same emotion-instigators as public nuisances such as spitting, staring point-blank at strangers, harassing and what not. Imagine yourself being spit on by your fellow passenger who has zero regrets, on a train that takes you home after a long day at work. Now imagine getting a comment on your looks or behaviour or status from a person you barely know! I see no difference.

Insecurities may range anywhere from having a bad hair day to not being able to fit into a peer group. There’s no such thing big or small. Each insecurity is like a diamond – only differently shaped but all of them bear great values. Then again, correcting society to our needs is near to impossible and totally out of control, unless you’re politically powerful. But what’s doable is to take these insecurities to your parents or any one elder to you whom you trust not to misuse them. After all they are named insecurities for a reason.

– Shreyy, with an insecurity for heights.

Measures against women (harassment) ’46’

See what I did to the title? Although measures against women and those against women harassment are meant to be opposites, I see them to be similar these days for the following reasons.

  • The other day, we went out directly from college to a mall and one of my friends were asked to give up her pair of scissors at the mall entry check. Even though the fact that a student can casually have those, they were strictly removed. But to my eyes all that I saw was a bunch of corporates not making sense. To me, a girl these days should be legally allowed to carry a sword for her protection, let alone scissors.
  • Whoever said that people abuse women only in dark lonely places, couldn’t be more wrong.  They do it right in front of hundreds of people as well. Where you ask? At the checking process of the NEET examinations. I do not intend to blame the necessity of the exam. The exam is a great criteria to select to-be doctors. BUT I’ve personally seen such incidents at the checking hall where girls are asked to strip down because the metal detectors beeps at her bust level. It is even more sad that the people who check them tend to be women and even they cannot understand that bras do have metal pieces sometimes. “Wear a bra”, says the society, “remove them” says the selection committee.
  • Now you may think I’m exaggerating, but I know for a fact that every girl would agree when I say that it feels as if the person can see through us, when they stare at us. Now, backward minded people will say guys only stare when a girl wears short and exposing dresses. I for one am a testimony myself. I wear traditional and most of the time tom-boyish outfits but no matter how covered I am, guys still stare shamelessly. So I may sound like a stereotypical feminist or you would’ve seen this in other aggressive posts, but my message to the community is : Teach your sons not to stare or misbehave with girls over your girls to not go out and wear covering clothes.
  • The very thought that occurs to guys when a girl does something that she usually shouldn’t do, is backward. If you think you belong to the majority, then very well, this time majority sucked.
  • Lastly, male partners who low-ball or take advantage of the females’ sacrifice for weakness, you guys will never be rewarded with good things. You think she gave up her posting for you because only the girls should? NO. She did it out of love and also secretly knowing that your proud ass wouldn’t do it. And if a person who is understanding is usually the smart person, we know that makes sense now.

So girls or guys who could relate to this, let me know and give in your thoughts as well.

I’ve hereby completed my decisively chosen ‘countdown to 50’ post, by my Instagram followers. Thanks to them for helping me decide and lastly, not every feminist is as stupid as they sound. You just finally start to hear what exactly men sounded like in ancient times and are unable to deal with it.

– Shreyy, who is a less crappy and sensible feminist to say the least.